


Lifetime of Laughter (At the Expense of...)

by UisceOneLove



Series: Dark Stony Bingo 2021 [10]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Ambiguous/Open Ending, Cancer, Established Relationship, Extremis (Marvel), Hopeful Ending, Illnesses, M/M, Modern Steve Rogers, Morally Dubious Tony Stark, No Captain America, POV Steve Rogers, Partner Betrayal, Protective Tony Stark, Steve Rogers Feels, Steve Rogers is Not Captain America, Terminal Illnesses, Tony Stark Has A Heart, Tony Stark Will Do Anything For Steve Rogers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-13
Updated: 2021-03-13
Packaged: 2021-03-20 09:20:57
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,110
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30002700
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/UisceOneLove/pseuds/UisceOneLove
Summary: Going away with Tony sounded like a good idea to Steve; time to be with each other, fresh air, a place to rest.He didn't think that there could be ulterior motives to Tony wanting to get him alone.
Relationships: Steve Rogers/Tony Stark
Series: Dark Stony Bingo 2021 [10]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2193099
Kudos: 16
Collections: SteveTony Acheronian Bingo 2021





	Lifetime of Laughter (At the Expense of...)

**Author's Note:**

> This was not supposed to be this long. That's all I have to say about it. 
> 
> Continuation/Sequel to [Counting Down the Days to Go](https://archiveofourown.org/works/29968977)

Steve remembered watching his ma go through this. He was sixteen and scared to see her waste away. But no matter how much energy or hair the chemo took, Sarah Rogers was strong and beautiful. She never stopped looking after him and her kindness didn't die.

He'd spent years figuring the likelihood of getting cancer was likely since genetics made the risks higher. Steve lived his life the way he wanted anyway. 

He hadn't expected a healthy lifestyle to keep it away forever but he did hope it would. 

"Either you think you're looking at a ghost or there's something on my face, Bucky, so why don't you tell me which one it is?"

Bucky sat on Steve's bed next to the suitcase he was slowly filling. He was run-down more often lately but he wasn't going to start asking people to do everything for him.

"Are you sure this is a good idea, Stevie?" his best friend asked again, eyes watching his every move and body wound tight in case he needed to give Steve a hand.

"Malibu's got some decent air, unlike here." Steve folded a few of his shirts and tucked them into the suitcase. "Tony thinks it would be good with me and the doctors said it's okay as long as I make it back for my next treatment or call if something's wrong." 

Bucky grabbed his wrist to stop him from moving away again, the black prosthetic a gift from Tony that Steve still didn't know how to repay. "I don't like the idea of you going across the country while you're…"

Steve tensed, staring down at his things. "While I'm like what?"

His friend hesitated, and let Steve pull out of his grasp. "While you're not your best." 

"I'm fine, Bucky."

"I don't want to lose you, all right? Your mom was hard, but you'd--I'd be fucking devasted, punk." 

Steve stopped, his bristles softening. "You're not gonna lose me, jerk," he promised softly, stepping over to hug the brunet. They held on to each other, Bucky's silent cry leaking into Steve's shirt but the blond didn't care. Bucky spent a lot of time pretending to be strong, too. 

He didn't make Bucky pull away when he heard the front door, soothing his friend with a gentle pat on the back when it was Bucky who was ready to move away. 

"You good?" he asked. 

Bucky nodded, using his human hand to clean up his face. "Yeah. You should finish packing."

"Will it help if I promise to send you annoying texts until I'm back?"

"You should be planning to do that anyway. But yeah." 

Tony still had his signature red sunglasses on when he strolled into the bedroom. "Buckarino," he greeted briefly, coming up to Steve for a kiss. "You ready?"

Steve smiled, "I need to grab my stuff from the bathroom and then I'll be all set."

"Let me," Bucky said, getting off the bed. 

"Buck--" Steve started, watching his friend go. Tony took a peek at what he had in the suitcase. It was still a thing between them since Steve refused to let the man buy him a bunch of new, expensive clothes. 

"We don't have to go," Tony offered. "If you don't want to leave your friends."

"I want to go," Steve assured, taking Tony's hand. They've been over it. "It'll do me some good." 

Tony's smile wasn't his fullest but it was still true, even as a small curve of lips to the side. He looked nervous, the more Steve looked at him. "I think so, too." 

"Do  _ you _ still want us to go?" he checked. 

Tony's eyes ran over his face before he nodded, looking more certain. "Definitely." 

Bucky returned with Steve's bag of toiletries and held it out to him. "Just don't wear him out, Stark."

"I plan on taking good care of him, Bucky Bear," Tony responded, smiling tightly at the other brunet.

Steve sighed and took his things. "Thank you, Bucky." He put it with the rest of his things and got the suitcase zipped up. "We should get going." 

Tony took the suitcase from the bed before Steve could, stopping the blond from saying anything with a look from over the lip of his sunglasses. "Happy's got the car running. See you next week, Barnes."

Bucky waited until Tony was out of the room before he said anything else. "If you decide you want out of there, just let me know. I'll grab one of the other Avengers and make them bring me to you." 

"That won't be needed," Steve replied, clapping Bucky's human shoulder. "It's going to be fine.  _ I'm _ going to be fine." 

Bucky accompanied Steve and Tony down the elevator from the apartment (the one that Tony had bought because Steve had said no to living in Avengers Tower and the brunet did not consider the very tiny apartment he was already in to be satisfactory for stable living.) and stuck around while Happy loaded his things. 

"All set, Mr. Stark," Happy said with a click of the trunk's hood being shut. He opened the door for Steve and Tony, which the blond still didn't exactly feel comfortable about, but he didn't protest this time. He could already feel his efforts so far starting to leave him feeling drained. 

"After you," Tony told him, an affectionate smile making it hard to even pretend he's going to put up a fight. 

Steve slid into the car and over so Tony could join him, already resting his head back and shutting his eyes. Tony's hand curled around his on the seat as Happy shut the door for them. 

"You can sleep the whole ride on the jet," Tony promised him. "Pep has some things for me to look over for the next release that'll keep me busy."

Steve turned a tired smile onto the billionaire. "Thank you." 

"No need to thank me," Tony replied, leaning over and brushing their lips together, "I'm going to take care of you. You'll see."

Tony's done a great job of it so far, so Steve was inclined to believe him. 

Steve did exactly what he thought he would and fell asleep on the drive to the landing strip. As much as he voiced against it, Tony wouldn't take no for an answer and helped him up the steps of the plane and then made Steve take the comfiest seat.

They all were the same level of luxurious comfort but Steve didn't say it. Tony wanted to feel like he was doing something, even now, so the blond let him. 

Tony took the seat across from him, taking the sunglasses off and setting them on the table in exchange for his tablet. There were bags under the brunet's eyes, covered by concealer, but Steve's been around the man long enough to know when they're there. He really hoped they weren't there because of him. 

"Maybe you should sleep, too," Steve suggested, giving happy a quick smile when the man took a seat on the other side of the aisle. 

Tony's eyes flicked up from the tablet long enough to look at Steve fondly before they went back down. "I'll get plenty of sleep when this project's a success." 

"Is it something I can help with?" Steve asked, knowing that he most likely couldn't but he still liked to ask. It was the polite thing to do, and all he could really do in terms of encouragement. 

"You can help by resting and looking as gorgeous as you do." 

Steve chuckled quietly, his eyelids getting heavy on their own. "I thought we were past the stage of flattery."

"Me? Not flattering you at every waking moment? I'll never stop that stage."

It was actually a nice melody to fall asleep to, the sound of Tony's fingers tapping against the tablet's screen. He didn't even feel them take off, Steve was slipping right past the awareness and dropping back into a sleep that he missed out on the night before. 

While the take-off hadn't kept him awake, it was the touching down that roused him from sleep. 

The west coast sun shined through the plane's window and gave Steve a view of the gleaming pacific ocean. He did understand the appeal of California for a guy like Tony Stark, he just didn't know if he'd ever be able to make a permanent move out here himself. Steve loved New York, loved being from Brooklyn, and his life was there.

It was also pretty cool that he was able to take the subway to Avengers Tower and hang out with the most famous team the country has. 

"Hey there, Sleeping Beauty." 

"Can't be," Steve protested, "I wasn't woken by some prince leaving me a kiss."

"I would have," Tony replied, amused, "but I've heard many speeches from you about the lack of consent that story presented."

Steve's lips twitched up into a smile. "I knew you actually paid attention when I talked."

The tablet looked to have been discarded back on the table at some point, and the lighter bags underneath those stunning brown eyes told Steve that maybe the inventor did get some rest on the trip. 

"Is the project going to work?" Steve asked with a nod to the tablet. 

Tony gave him a look he couldn't completely decipher, but he thought it looked close enough to pleased optimism. "So far, the signs are starting to point to yes." 

They disembarked, Happy first to load the car for them. Steve feels a little better, but there's a weariness that exudes from his bones since the last couple of months of chemo. It had hit him before that the things he was experiencing had to have been the same things his ma had. 

With the way Tony loved to have Happy drive sometimes, Steve wasn't surprised at how quickly they'd been able to make it to Tony's beach house. It was also not a surprise to Steve that his stomach had some protests about it, and so as soon as Jarvis was kind enough to unlock the door, his first stop was to the bathroom to upend his breakfast. 

"I'm sorry," Tony said as soon as Steve wandered back into the living room. The brunet looked guilty, but Steve just shook his head and dug out some mints from his backpack.

"Old habits die hard, don't they?" Steve responded, stepping up to the man and pecking his lips. "While I think we should have a talk about you making Happy violate speed laws, I would rather enjoy the time we have first."

Tony didn't say a word about how his mouth must taste, or the strong burn of peppermint while they were still fresh. He clapped his hands together and gave him a nod. "Right," he agreed, "what shall we do first?"

Steve didn't make to-do lists frequently, or spare a thought to consider what touristy things they could do this time, so he was at a loss. "You're the one who wanted to bring me here," he pointed out, "so what did you have in mind?"

Something passed along Tony's face again that he didn't have any idea on how to interpret. It was gone in seconds so he was willing to tell himself he'd imagined it. 

"What I have planned is for later," Tony said. "A surprise."

"Your surprises haven't always set the best track record, Tony," Steve replied, looking at him with faux suspicion. 

"Only here in my home for three minutes and you're already disparaging me," Tony said, playing wounded. 

"I don't believe it's the first time someone has done such a thing, Sir," Jarvis spoke up, sending Steve into a fit of laughter.

Tony glared up at some camera or made-up spot. "You're supposed to be on my side, Jarvis. I did not invent you to be a traitor." 

"You have also programmed me to be unable to deceive," the AI replied, and that made Steve have to sit down to catch his breath from his wheezing fit. 

"And now you're going to kill my boyfriend," Tony countered with a point in Steve's direction.

Steve wiped his eyes, his other hand clasped to his chest as he tried to tamper the laughter down. "Jarvis, that would make it completely worth it." 

"Thank you, Master Steve," Jarvis replied, and Steve wondered if it was really possible for an AI to sound smug or if he was just imagining it. 

"Okay!" Tony honestly should not sulk, it just made the blond want to kiss him endlessly. "Enough of the assault to my ego."

Steve grinned at Tony, pushing up from the couch to go back to him. "Shouldn't you be glad I get along with Jarvis?" 

"Not at my expense," the man huffed, and it was an easy decision to kiss him all over again. Tony hummed into the kiss, his hand coming up to Steve's side. "Okay, that  _ might _ give you a Get Out of Jail Free card." 

Steve kissed him again, arms slipping around the man. "Only 'might'?" 

"Mhm." Tony gave him a squeeze. "But keep this up and that will change to a 'definitely'."

That was a sacrifice that Steve was okay with making. They lost time holding each other on Tony's couch, making out like a couple of teenagers. Which felt amazing to do while Steve still had the energy to. He tried not to blame himself for the things that all the treatment's limited for them on the physical intimacy list. 

He'd love to be able to take Tony up to his room and have a round of knockout sex like they used to. If it didn't risk his lungs feeling like they were going to implode like when his asthma was bad as a kid then Steve really would go for it. But he was tired a lot more of the time now, which was why he'd gotten thinner, too. 

Tony pushed a lot of those green smoothies on him now that Steve would rather not have. 

But since it was a good day, and Steve had already gotten Tony to stay with him on the couch long after they were done lazily feeling each other up to watch some television, he also convinced Tony to splurge on some pizza. 

"New York still has the best," Tony insisted every time, rattling off orders of pepperoni and sausage pizzas for Jarvis to order. 

Steve tilted his head up from where it lied on the man's chest. "You know I'm not one to argue with you on that point, right?" 

"Sorry, I'm used to defending it against Pepper," Tony replied, running his fingers over Steve's buzzcut. 

"Think she and Rhodey would want to come hang out while we're here?" Steve liked them; Pepper kept Tony as on-track as one could when it came to work while Rhodey often reminded him of his own friendship with Bucky. They were good for Tony, and Steve was glad they'd been around during Obadiah Stane's attempt to control Stark Industries since Steve hadn't met Tony yet. 

"You can expect Pepper to take full advantage of me being back on this side of the country," Tony replied with an amused chuckle, "and Sour Patch might be willing to show up. He loves having someone to share embarrassing stories with." 

"I happen to love those stories."

"Letting you two meet in the first place was one of my worst ideas." 

Steve turned his head to press a kiss against Tony's arc reactor. "I think it was your best idea." 

"What have I allowed into my life?" Tony groused to the ceiling, a smile on his face. 

"A relatively healthy relationship?"

"You're a smartass. That's what I've allowed. Another smartass."

"We can always use more of those."

Tony shook his head, his smile now a full-fledged grin. Steve pushed himself up to lean in for another kiss. Kissing Tony was addictive in its own right. 

When the pizza arrived, Steve insisted on them giving Happy a few pieces before the driver officially took the night off. 

"Thanks, Steve!" Happy said, smiling with his name's sake as he grabbed a few slices.

"Enjoy your night, Happy," he replied, waving as the man took off. 

"You're too much of a saint," Tony shook his head when Steve came back to the living room. 

Steve rolled his eyes and rejoined him on the couch. "It's just called being nice, Tony." 

"Still too much of it," Tony argued. 

Despite the tiredness and his earlier vomiting episode, Steve was grateful that his stomach was welcoming to their food. Grease wasn't a safe bet most of the time and LA pizza didn't hold a candle to New York pizza but it was still exactly what Steve needed. 

"How are you feeling?" Tony asked him after they finished off one of the boxes. It used to be that Steve could handle an entire pizza on his own but the treatments have made his appetite fall closer to a normal person's so he could only really finish off two slices on a good day. 

Steve did an internal check of his system. "Just full," he answered. "I might be ready to call it a night soon."

Tony's fingers danced on his arc reactor; Steve never asked if that tick was just Tony's way of making sure he's still alive or if it was his nerves getting to him. The man's always had to keep his hands busy, from what the blond's noticed since they started dating. "Think you'd be up for my surprise?" 

Part of Steve wanted to say no, as curious as he was about this surprise. He didn't think he could stay up for much longer and didn't want that to dampen whatever it was Tony had for him. But he could tell Tony was looking forward to this gift or whatever it was, and saying no to something that's made his boyfriend look so hopeful wasn't an easy thing for Steve to do. 

"I might be able to stay awake for that," Steve said, rewarded with Tony's sudden child-like excitement. He could see that nervousness from earlier around the edges of it but Steve felt like he made the right choice. 

Tony shot up from the couch, much to Steve's gaiety, and held his hand out. "I've been working on it for a while now."

Steve took the hand and let the man help him up, not letting go once he was on his feet. "What is it?" 

"You'll see," the brunet responded, leading Steve over to the door that led down to his workshop. What could Tony have made for him down there? "I started it before...well."

Oh. That made Steve  _ very _ curious now.

He held back the barrage of questions as Tony unlocked the door and led him downstairs, curiosity starting to win out over any traces of exhaustion. Jarvis turned the lights on for them the further down they got, the doors sliding open once they reached the last step. Steve wasn't sure what he was supposed to pay attention to first with all the new things Tony had around until the man let go of his hand and stood in front of a new suit in the center of the workshop. 

It was a new Iron Man suit. It wasn't Tony's signature red and gold, or gunmetal gray like Rhodey's War Machine suits. This one was a slick navy blue, with a pearl-white to stand out along the accents, and a star in the center instead of a space to show off Tony's reactor. 

"It's beautiful, Tony," Steve commented, but he looked at the man in confusion. "What does it have to do with me?"

He found himself watching Tony's fingers again, the rhythmic tapping against the reactor as Tony shifted his feet. 

"When Killian sent his agents after you," Tony started, crossing his arms, "it was everything I kept waiting to happen."

"Tony, that wasn't on you," Steve cut in quickly, "I've always known the risks of getting involved with you. Killian's the one who decided to kidnap me, that's not on you."

"But it is," Tony countered, his eyes dark, "because I love you, Steve, much more than I previously believed someone like me was capable of. Hammer, Killian, aliens, threat is imminent. And I have to protect the one thing that I can't live without. That's you."

Steve was filled with so much affection for Tony, and admiration. Bucky and Sam, his ma, they were the ones he was used to having who cared for him enough to say similar things, but from a different place. To have Tony say it validated every good thing Steve knew was in him. 

Tony can't protect him from everything, but Steve was in love with how much the man wanted to try. 

"So there's something special about the suit?" Steve prompted. "Something about it that's tailored against Aldritch Killian and AIM or whatever?"

"Something like that," Tony answered, the darkness clearing from his face, "it's for you." 

Steve did a double-take, his eyes going from the armor back to Tony. "What." 

Tony cleared his throat. "I made the suit for you. If I can't make it to you in time, if you need to get away, then you can put this on and protect yourself." 

His own suit of armor. Like Rhodey. Tony only did this for the people he absolutely loved most in the world. Steve had been waiting for  _ Pepper _ to get one and instead here's one for him?

"Tony, this…" Steve was at a loss for words. He ran a hand along the chest plate of the armor reverently. "This is the most...incredible, most amazing thing anyone has ever done for me. I think Bucky's going to hate you on principle for it." 

The genius shrugged, looking proud at that possibility. Which made the next thing Steve had to say even harder. 

"But I can't accept this." 

Tony at least didn't look insulted; in fact, he looked like he was expecting it. That wouldn't be too far off, considering Steve's always had a hard time accepting the big gestures Tony did for him. "Why not?" the man still asked. 

"Look at me, Tony," Steve replied, gesturing to himself. "I can't use it like this. I wouldn't have the strength or the agility or...or anything, to be able to use it." 

"What if I said I figured out a way to fix that?"

Steve frowned. "Tony, we've talked about this. You've already got Bruce and Dr. Cho looking over my files. There's nothing else you can do." 

"But there is." Tony walked away from him to his desk and picked up a vial filled with what looked like an orange-yellow liquid, as if Tony found a way to bottle up a fire. "I can do it with this."

He remembered that liquid. Steve had been cuffed to a grated wall in the basement of Killian's basement in Miami. Killian wouldn't shut up about the applications of the serum and how useful it'd be against Tony. He thought the Avengers had destroyed all of it. 

Steve felt himself step back on instinct. He wanted to be as far away from it as possible. "That's supposed to be gone." 

"Killian, Hanson, they had the properties wrong in theirs," Tony said, "this is mine. I figured it out, Steve. I perfected Extremis."

" _ Why? _ " Steve demanded, unable to look away from the vial. "Why would you make that?" 

Tony looked at Steve like he'd missed something obvious. He didn't like that look aimed at him, or the way it made him feel stupid. "For you, Steve." 

Suddenly, he was regretting eating anything earlier. Steve's stomach was rolling at the idea of that stuff in his veins. "No."

"No?" Tony gaped, incredulous. "With Extremis, we can rewrite your genetic code. You won't be sick anymore. You'll be--you'll be better." 

"We are not God, Tony," Steve seethed, "He's the only one who should have the power to do such a thing." 

"Well I don't believe in any God," Tony said flatly, "and I am not going to lose you." 

Tony took a step in his direction and Steve immediately countered the step with one away from the man. He didn't want to be the one making that hurt expression form on Tony's face but he won't do this. 

"Don't come near me with that, Tony," Steve warned, "I mean it." 

"You would rather risk dying and leaving me than take this and have the cancer written out of you?" Tony asked, face scrunched up like he was in pain. 

"I love you, Tony," Steve replied earnestly, "and I would do anything to stay with you, and to be cured. But not that. So please don't make me choose." 

For a moment, Steve thought that Tony was going to cry. He looked so close to it. But then it was all wiped away and he was left looking at the blank mask Tony practiced for the press. That hurt  _ Steve _ to see directed at him. 

"Okay, Steve," Tony nodded, "I won't make you choose."

"Thank you." Steve stood awkwardly by the workshop's exit. "I'm sorry, Tony."

Tony shook his head, waving him off with his free hand. "No, it was my mistake. I made you uncomfortable and that's the last thing I wanted." 

"I know you keep feeling helpless about my situation. It's going to be okay. You'll see." 

Again, the man nodded, but the small smile he gave wasn't fake. "It will be." 

Steve returned the smile, feeling ready to fall over now that he didn't have anything to replace the exhaustion. "I think I'm going to go to bed. I'm really worn out from traveling and everything." 

"I'll be up in a minute," Tony promised. 

Steve left Tony behind and went upstairs, using the handrails Tony had put in. 

"Are you all right, Master Steve?" Jarvis asked. 

"I'm fine, Jarvis, thanks," Steve replied. 

Jarvis did make sure there was a path of light through the house as Steve gradually made his way up the floors to Tony's bedroom. Steve's things were already up there, so he changed into his sweats and shirt, comfortable things to help him stay warm in the night despite the California weather. Tony still wasn't up there by the time Steve crawled into bed with the sheets pulled up to his ears. Normally, he'd wait up for the genius to join him but it was hard to fight the sleep that was brushing over him. 

He must've dozed either way, because when he opened his eyes again, it was to Tony crouched down next to him with the man's lips against his forehead. Tony was holding his hand, and pulled back to rest his cheek against it. 

"Come to bed," Steve mumbled, making an effort not to fall back to sleep like that. 

Tony didn't move, the only light in the room coming from the windows since the blackout curtains weren't down yet. The moonlight made Tony's eyes look like they were glowing in the dark. "I love you," he whispered. 

"I know you do," Steve whispered back, "I love you too." 

Tony brushed his lips against Steve's knuckles before he sighed. "You'll forgive me one day. You'll see it was for the best." 

Steve's sleep-addled mind had a hard time following. "What--"

The brunet's grip on his hand tightened and pulled, extending Steve's arm and holding an injection gun to it. Steve didn't have time to object when he saw the Extremis vial attached to it or try to pull away before Tony clicked the trigger and there was a sharp sting as a needle went into Steve's arm. 

"No!" Steve watched in horror as Extremis went into him, unable to get away until Tony released him. "What have you done?!"

There was a ripple of red as the serum made its way rapidly through Steve's veins. He looked at his boyfriend, heart breaking, while Tony watched him without a shred of guilt or remorse. 

And then the pain started. 

Steve was used to feeling like he was on fire when he had his treatments but this was a far superior feeling. It was like he was being melted from the inside out. His muscles were tensing, his body trying to convulse like it could escape the fire in his veins as it consumed him and all Steve wanted was for it to stop. 

He caught a glimpse of Tony visibly holding himself back from doing anything before Steve's eyes rolled into the back of his head and it was thrown back against the pillow. He thought he was screaming but could only tell by the way his throat felt raw. 

The last thing Steve remembered was the feeling of his back bowing up from the bed and something like a  _ click _ in his brain before his tether to the world snapped off. 

…

……

…………

His brain felt sluggish, at first. 

Reconfiguring. 

Restarting processes. 

_ Master Steve? Can you hear me, sir? _

_...Jarvis? _

_ Yes, sir. It will be all right, soon. _

_ What...what's happening? Is this--Are you in my head? Where--Where am I? _

_ I believe I am, Master Steve. Extremis is rebooting your functions. Please try to keep calm until it is finished.  _

_ Extremis. That's...I know that word. But I'm not some computer, I'm… _

Or was he now? 

Slowly, and yet in no time at all it seemed like, Steve could feel a connection to his body. His organs were still working, his toes could wiggle and his fingers could flex. Steve could breathe in air without any resistance. 

He felt...stronger. He felt...more aware of what's around him. Like his faculties and senses were expanded. 

Steve just felt  _ more _ . 

Just like that, it was like a switch flipped in his brain and he remembered everything. But he could also touch things there, too. 

He felt Jarvis. He felt every piece of electronic equipment in the house before the idea even came to him to check. 

Steve could see an image of Tony, pacing in the kitchen, just at the beginnings of wondering where the man was. It was right there, in his minds' eye, at the formation of a thought. 

_ Master Steve _

_ Yes, Jarvis? _

_ Is there anything you would like me to assist you with, now that you're at full function? _

_ No thank you. _

Opening his eyes, it was like the colors and definition around him were from a high-def television. Like Steve could taste it. 

The sun filled the windows and cast an almost ethereal light to Tony's room as if the horrors of the night before never happened. Steve took his time getting up, relearning his body. Feeling the difference of it compared to yesterday, or any other time before that as a whole. 

Steve walked to the bathroom. The man looking back at him in the mirror looked the picture of immaculate health; glowing skin, muscles he used to have back to their solid build. Nothing to say he had tumors spreading inside of him...but black eyes. Like ink had spilled and covered the surface. 

As soon as he  _ thought _ about them, the black receded, until the blue irises were back. 

He took the time to check his body, too. Not a blemish or scar left behind. His skin was completely smooth. Reborn. 

Tony did this to him. 

Whatever he was now, it couldn't be human. And Tony did it when Steve had refused. 

_ Does he know I'm awake, Jarvis? _

_ I've already told him, yes. My apologies, Steve.  _

He clenched his jaw as rage rushed through him; the lights started to flicker, the sink and shower turned on and off. Steve didn't know  _ how _ to concentrate on them but it seemed like he just had to form a message in his mind for it to stop it and it'd happen. 

Steve stormed out of the bathroom and down the stairs to where Tony was waiting for him in the living area.

Tony drank him in from the middle of the room. "I'm not sorry." 

Steve stayed at the bottom of the stairs, afraid that he might do something if he got any closer and almost furious enough to not care. "I told you no. I told you explicitly that I didn't want this." 

"How do you feel?" Tony responded. 

"It doesn't matter, I didn't  _ want this _ ," he seethed. " _ I did not give you my consent! _ "

"You may be willing to spin the wheel where your life matters but I'm not," Tony returned. "I told you. I will do anything it takes to protect what I can't live without." 

"Do you really think I'm going to stay after what you've done to me?" Steve asked, incredulous. 

Tony didn't even blink. "Yes." 

"Explain to me how a genius like you comes to that conclusion, Tony." 

"Because it will always be you," Tony answered. "I will do whatever I have to do for you to be alive and here with me. Whatever universe, whatever magick that Doctor Strange concocts, we are better together. We are meant to be at each other's sides."

"You broke my trust. You've turned me into something else. I don't--I don't know what I am anymore, Tony!"

"And I'm right here to help you learn, Steve," Tony said without missing a beat. "I'll earn your trust back. Because you'll see what I did was the right thing." 

Steve was never a spiteful person in his life before but in that moment, he wanted to make Tony bleed. He wanted to show Tony exactly how wrong he was. His mind flickered to the suit in Tony's lab and how it would feel to send a repulsor into the man's chest. 

They both jerked their heads in the lab's direction when they heard the smashing of glass and something coming their way. Steve's mind raced to put it together when the pieces of the suit-- _ his armor _ \--came flying at him. They wrapped around his body seamlessly without Jarvis' help or a worded command, the helmet and faceplate connecting last. 

"Steve?" Tony said with tentative wonder. 

Steve couldn't respond, distracted by the way Extremis connected him to the suit and its controls. He stared at the screen that came up, and the gauntlets on his hands. It was enough to sink his anger into a bowl of ice. 

Just one throwaway thought in his rage brought the armor to him, ready to help him hurt Tony if he really wanted to. 

"I don't know what to do, Tony," Steve said, his voice modulated by the suit. "I'm scared of what this could make me." 

Tony came up to him, one step at a time, until he was almost touching Steve's suit. "I'm right here," he said, as if this was all okay, as if it made everything he did all right, "we can learn this together, Steve. And then we can protect each other, protect the world, by each other's sides." 

"I never asked for that, Tony," Steve replied. 

"But now that you  _ can _ do it, don't you want to?" Tony pressed. 

Of course Steve spent the last few years wishing he could do something to help Tony and not be so helpless that he was an easy pawn to be used against his boyfriend. But this wasn't what he was considering. Killian's mere idea of Extremis had terrified him. 

Steve wanted the armor off, he wanted it gone, he--

He froze, watching the armor slide away like it was being absorbed into his body, until it was gone entirely. 

Even Tony looked a little shaken.    


"Well, I did not expect that," the man murmured. 

"Tony--"

"Shh, no, it's okay, Steve." 

The man wrapped his arms around Steve, who was stuck there shaking. Tony peppered kisses along Steve's shoulders and chest, as if that was the simplest way to bring him assurances.    


"It's you and me," Tony said. "We've got this." 

For a lack of anything he could say or do, Steve nodded. "You and me."

Tony pulled back to kiss him on the lips and guide him down towards the workshop. "I'll have Happy pick up breakfast. We can start looking into this when we're done. This is for the best, Steve, I swear you'll see that." 

Steve would be able to see everything now, with Extremis giving him the gateway. That was the one thing he  _ couldn't  _ see. But maybe Tony was right. 

Maybe it was the only thing that still needed time before he could. 

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, I guess I'll also say that the idea of Steve being the one with Extremis is pretty exciting to me, and I almost wanna explore that idea in a different fic at some point in the future. In a less dark way. 
> 
> Comments and Kudos feed my dark soul, so please leave some! It means a lot to hear how much I've ruined your feels.


End file.
